Why is change so difficult? Is it because of fear of the unknown around the corner? It could be really good or it could be really bad? Either way the first emotion is fear....and maybe excitement? Whichever feeling it is, it doesn’t always feel comfortable, like those new pair of shoes that you know will be your favorites one day but, the day you buy them in the store you question, am I really going to like these?
A couple of months ago I took a new job, something I didn’t think I wanted at all. After a good friend offered me stability and a great paycheck and benefits...all pluses in these economic times I said YES! I’ll give this a try, what is the saying, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. So here I am with a full time gig that is based in NYC and yes I have three kids and more responsibilities than one can handle. But, I did it! Went to the unknown place that I had heard so much about — “Corporate America”.
I learned so much in the daunting place. Computer programs that my children mastered in elementary and middle school, Powerpoint, Excel and Salesforce.com — all necessary if you want to work in the “Big Apple”! I always thought that it would be exciting to travel, stay in hotels and live the life that I had heard about from men and women traveling back and forth to NYC to earn a living. Wow, are things different when you sink your teeth into them.
My first week traveling up I took the luxury Accela (in my opinion a train is a train, but this one is faster...he he he) and waiting at Penn Station was the car service! I feel so important! Then to be delivered to my hotel and after arriving the lovely girl behind the desk offers me an upgraded room for my stay. Ok, this whole work thing is awesome why do people complain about traveling? This is incredible someone is going to carry my bags and I can order food and I don’t have to worry about the repercussions of what the kitchen will look like after a gourmet meal.
After placing my credit card-looking key into the slot and I open the door, the room is HUGE! I mean nothing like I have ever stayed in NYC. Most of my friends' apartments are the size of some closets here in Wayne. My hotel room was incredible. In fact, I really felt like Mary Tyler Moore, minus the beret. As the lyrics of the theme sound started to resonate in my head, “I finally made it after all”!
It was so much fun in the beginning and then the rose started to turn brown and the job that was promised never came through. I was hired to be an office manager for an IT company. All of my friends were shocked at the title — Bizzy sitting behind a desk? Well, after finding office space here in the Philadelphia area the lease was never signed and Big Corporate America had to pull in the purse strings and here I am laid off! The entire experience was a change. Something I don’t like and I am not comfortable with but, hey I am only here once. You have to try and see if you like it. I didn’t like it. Unfortunately, I not good with being referred to as a number and a member of a large staff. Small fish in large pond is not my cup of tea.
After this leap of faith and change I realized that I like the idea of a change but, the reality of change is daunting and work. This change doesn’t only have to happen in the workplace like I described but, anywhere in a relationship, when you move, when a baby is born or the worst change when someone you loves dies. Change is a state of being and the feelings that come with change can last seconds on one extreme and on the other extreme years. For me change take some time just as I described with the shoes. I have to walk with it, feel it and mold it for me and after sometime I don’t like it I can change again, and again, and again. Until it feels right!