The only way I can start this blog is with a three-letter word UGH!!!! I have been single for about eight years and boy oh boy dating when you 40 something is a brand new can of worms.
Being a single Mom with three kids is the first hurdle. My kids come first and not a man. I wanted to have children and getting my children to the finish line (college) is my number ONE concern. So dating when there is a football game or other commitment that my children have, I am busy, can’t go on a date! Oh, and the children’s custody agreement changing one’s weekend or days with your ex-spouse is about as hard as it is for Congress to pass a Bill!!!
Where do you meet Mr. Right? I don’t drink so going to pick up a guy at a bar is not going to happen, oh and to be honest I met the father of my children in a bar and see what happened there J.
So where do the experts send you…to online dating. I have been on and am presently on one of these sites! I have to be clear that I have met a lot of great guys and in fact I have made a lot of great friends from there and it is a great place to network. My business has grown from the dates that I have had. Everyone needs a concierge and a sounding board especially if the person has been married and has children. I help to get their errands done and listen when drama occurs in one’s life.
I have been on more not so great dates as there are good dates. It is strange how one likes to exaggerate or fabricate the truth when describing themselves on these sites. To be kind it is difficult to describe yourself, I felt very cheesy and weird when describing myself. It is a very awkward place to be in….”please, please pick me”, I felt more like an item at a department store…there are so many different kinds of shoes but, how am I going to know how they feel unless I try them on?
That’s when the dating happens. You start communicating with a person, you learn the basics. What do you do? Where do you like to spend your time? The answers you receive are all good, now it is time to make a plan! Where are we going to meet? Is it going to be over a drink, a cup of coffee or lunch? Whichever the choice is now the expectations begin! Is he/she going to be as cool as there profile sounds like they are, you hope that the picture they have posted looks just like them! Wow if he is as good looking as his pictures and he likes to do everything I like to do, this could be it! I could finally get off this site, which a friend and I call Match. Wrong!
Unfortunately the previous scenario has not happened for me! In fact, I have stories that really are funny!! For instance, I met a potential man for coffee and in his profile he said he was single, so I asked at coffee, how long have you been divorced? He looks at me with a strange face and says, divorced? I am not divorced! Ok, dude lose my number! Then the one that has a picture where he looks very fit and attractive and you meet for dinner and he is about 50 pounds heavier and probably hasn’t worked out since high school but on his profile he says he works out 5 times a week! Ok, my idea of working out and his are obviously different.
The craziest thing about online dating is that you keep going back for more in hopes that this time the perfect man is going to arrive and you are going to have one of the relationships that Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks have in one of the Nora Ephron movies. Where is my “You’ve got Mail” moment? Will I ever have it? I have a lot of friends that did meet on these sites and it comes down to a numbers game I think. But, then I have friends that the first guy that she met on the site was the ONE!!! He is here perfect mate and they will live happily ever after.
All of the relationship books and the experts that go on the morning shows recommend the online dating route as the only way to go if you are over 30 and in the market for getting into a relationship. It hasn’t worked for me so far but I am not giving up hope! My profile is up my latest and great pictures are posted all in the hopes that my Mr. Right comes by takes a gander and decides to send me a wink or message better yet! We meet and find that we like each other and it works! I can now be in a commercial or ad with one if the couple that the site is responsible for putting together! Online dating works…you just need to be patient, which is one of those virtues that I am learning to master at this point. I’m not giving up!!!!